The Harcourt Journal

Back

Sun, 25 Feb 2007 00:29:30 GMT

So, I returned from the wilderness of Esper, well, some time ago, but I was busy. Forgive me for neglecting my journal.

For those who are concerned, I'm perfectly well, no major damage was done and the smaller ones barely show anymore. I owe a warm thank you to Zack Tadson, who eventually found me - he kept searching after we've been thought to be dead, that is a very noble deed. Thank you, Zack. ^_^

We still have at least four weeks from the rainy season. If somebody doesn't have a better idea, we'll be holding extra training sessions, and consider this a threat. Bart, You actually need them. ~~And so do I; need to improve my skills with the whip~~

***
My, a hot bath never felt so good before. I'd be lieing if I said I didn't enjoy the little field trip, but it's good to be back at a place I know better. I must admit, I had troubles relaxing and fall asleep with the strange sounds of the forest all around me, even though I was positively exhausted...

Very positively.

Guardians, I confessed my love to Kefka. oo I have this feeling he still doesn't quite believe it, and I can perfectly understand why. It sounds strange even to myself. But I know I was crushing over him at the Academy, and now, seeing him in his current state just makes me want to protect him from every threat, may if come from outside or from inside... Kefka is strong, he is truly that, physically. But mentally and emotionally, he's vulnerable. I feel that he needs my support, he relies on my presence - we work well together. And I don't mind it, in fact, it makes me proud, makes me feel wanted, cherished - things I need. I love guarding others, keeping them safe and sound, it's in my nature, and I've been a guardian since I turned ten.

It's strange... it makes me smile. What I feel is so amusingly mature. Not the flaming adoration of my youth, but a silent flame, burning twice as hot and bright. I know I could do anything for him, maybe even break the law, betray my superiors... It's frightening. I feel like the hero - or maybe, antihero? - of a grand tale, uncertain and sure of what to do, brave and anxious, but most of all, happy. As I sit here and type my thoughts, I can feel the small, soft ache of longign - I miss Kefka. It would be nice to hold him close now, close our eyes and listen to the beating of our hearts.

On the side note, I've been at various doctors in the past week. They now say, they see that something is wrong, but they have no idea, exactly what. Something changed in my body, but yet, this change is not measurable... Well, I can't say it is reassuring.

A quick note

Sun, 21 Jan 2007 03:30:00 GMT

At morning, I'll set out with General Palazzo toward the building site; we plan to do some hunting. We might spend the night out there but we'll return the next day at sunset at its latest.

If not, you're allowed to worry.

Arr. A pirate's life for me

Wed, 17 Jan 2007 19:58:01 GMT

Alright, gentlemen.

ANNOUNCEMENT TO GEAR SQUAD

Gathering at my place in a few days. Now that the rany season started, we're back to regular SOLDIER duties, and if we don't want to be reduced to paper-pushers, we have to come up with an effective plan! Personally, I'm itching to go out and do random field work, maybe even exploration. Let's kick some monster ass...!

Bring your own booze, as you surely remember I don't drink any.

I've been at the doctor today. My headaches are really annoying but he said it't surely not serious, since he couldn't find anything amiss. I have some painkillers now, I hope they'll help. I really don't fancy coming down with a serious illness.

A while ago, I was wondering - what could I do if I had to leave the military...? Anything I'm good at is related to the army. My only 'peaceful' skill is the writing. Perhaps... I should do something with that.

PRIVATE TO KEFKA
My good sir, I couldn't help but notice that lately, you've been confined to civilization... Fancy an affair with Nature? Some monster-shooting is in order anyway.
PRIVATE

On a 'side' note, the Solstice was fabulous. ^^ Bart's non-alcoholic eggnog is delicious - where did you find that recipe, kid? Also, I have to thank you the gift again, it really means much to me.

Khm. >_~

Wed, 20 Dec 2006 22:19:35 GMT

I'm getting a little frustrated.

With the end of the year drawing near, there isn't much to do around the recruition office. All day, I've been down at the archives, dusting off old documents, and reading through a few utterly boring reports. I'm starting to really understand what drove me into accepting the invitation to Gear Squad - I'm a field officer. I like to go out and patrol, I like to move, I need my excercise, dammit.

But with the monster attacks and the Company holding off work on the building sites, it's getting absolutely annoying. Nobody cares if sentenced criminals get eaten by rampaging beasts, and with the Gears, we have no real chance to catch them, or even see them - sometimes, I wish I could just take a gun and hunt for those creatures. I wonder, when is the Second and/or First Class going to do _something_ about it? People die out there, you know!

To add a little more to the list of annoying things, last day, I had the most intensive headache in my life. I don't drink, my bed is perfect, and I haven't been sensitive to weather changes either - maybe I'm getting old? Hmmh.

Soon, it'll be time for Crescens' yearly maintenance checkup. I don't think there's anything wrong with her but better to be safe than sorry. She's my trusty companion and my life depends on her, so I have to make sure she's kept in a good shape. ^^

I've heard rumors that somebody - I'm not sure wherther it's related to ORG13, or ShinRa - is planning to build a holiday resort in the area between the three cities. Once the railways will be completed, that territory will be completely safe. Judging by how beautiful the cities are, they will make it a small paradise, too.

Peace, silence and relaxation - I think that would do a lot of good to me, and most probably to Kefka as well. I hope that one day, we could take a longer vacation - I assume, the Gears won't be needet that frequently after the railways get finished anyway.

Hmm. Maybe I could take Bart with as well. ^^

Congratulations

Mon, 13 Nov 2006 22:13:11 GMT

Happy birthday, Kefka.

Feel _hugged_. You know what I mean. ^_^

At the end of the day

Fri, 08 Sep 2006 01:36:08 GMT

I spent today afternoon with miss Lonehill. It was quite a nice experience. We had lunch then went to the Botanic garden. We saved a child's life.

Things happen.

I enjoyed myself, Daatu is a delightful company.

Friends locked
Cetras.

How I can't stand when somebody's trying to look different from what she/he is. And what a fool I am to start hoping too soon.

Daatu is still a child, her mind flutters from one topic to another, without any transition. She's not dumb but she was trying to look smarter. She's not all boyish but that stunt with the tree-climbing is a SKIRT made her come off like some of my former companions... those, who hissed at you when you opened he door for them.

I don't want to hurt her because she's not THAT bad, or annoying but Heaven forgive me, I don't want to see her for a while. //

Private
Whatever ideas I had, they disintegrated. I hoped for a little fun, but I won't get it on with a child. Daatu is too strong, too independent for me. Same mistake again. I'm terribly old-fashioned I guess. I need a woman, who kind of depends on me. Who will let me handle the dangerous stuff. Somebody, who matches me in maturity, intelligence and interests.

And who won't run off with somebody else when I love her with all of my heart.

I suppose my depression is getting more serious again. I have the strongest urge to sit down with a box of liquour bonbons and get drunk.

...

I really should visit a doctor. Or get my brother back. Or...//

Private to Zack
Zack, I'd like to meet you again. Nothing serious, I just feel the need to chat with somebody I can trust... Any time is fine.//

After the party

Fri, 08 Sep 2006 01:13:59 GMT

I have to admit, it wasn't a bad idea to accept Zack's offer and visit the Glassbead. ^_^ I had a good time, despite the unfortunate intermezzo.

Zack, thank you. I feel a lot better.

Miss Lonehill, my apologies for my behavior. I'm honestly sorry if I hurt your feelings.

Private
Zack is one of the kindest, best people I've ever met. He's like sunshine. His smile, his energy reminds me on Bart. I hope, on a day, my reckless little brother will be just like this - nurturing with an underlying wisdom thought keeping his youthful energy.

And he's handsome as well. It's been long I've last considered to get involved with a guy. I know Zack won't be a bad choice. However, I have to make sure first if he's interested. It's not some pressing need, just a possibility; I have time.

Daatu gave my quite a shock. Recruited at the age of ten...? Cetras, she was just a child! I can feel that my unsimpathy toward the Shin-Ra just moved a notch higher.

Still, I hope she's not angry. It's not her fault.Private end

[open entry] The flow of time

Tue, 08 Aug 2006 21:47:14 GMT

It's been a few days since something last happened. Not that it wouldn't be great, that the building sites are quiet, we haven't lost any workers or that I haven't seen... her all week... It's just getting a little too quiet even for my liking.

Batholomew is out on vacation; I can barely wait until he returns. It'll be great to meet him again, take him out for a drink or to practice. I miss him. He's a stable point in my life, a reliable source of sunlight.

I reached the end of my supplies. I should go out and get some. And, perhaps a night out isn't a bad idea either. I need at least some distraction - quiet times don't go easy on my mind, I tend to think too much. About the losses of the past, about my coward self. I know perfectly well that I should move on and yet... I find myself unable to gather the strength and make the effort. Such a behavior isn't worthy of the leader of the Gear Squad. I'll have to take a deep breath and step into the spotlight.

Anybody up for some barhopping? I'm even willing to go as far as Meteor city.